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The given chart illustrates the rate of entertainment time relaxed by genders during the period 2 year between 1998 and 1999.

The given chart illustrates the rate of entertainment time relaxed by genders during the period 2 year between 1998 and 1999. Wnj60
The given chart illustrates the rate of entertainment time relaxed by genders during the period 2 year between 1998 and 1999. As can be seen from the chart, the percentage of men unemployed was largest, while this was opposite that of the range of women working full time. Besides, the amount of female unemployment and retirement was highest. The percentage of male was highest in unemployment, at 85. The rate of retirement was nearly 85, which was significantly higher than The amount of men working full time was only 45. The percentage of male working part time and housewives was similar, at 0. Look at the chart details, the percentage of female unemployment and retirement age was close to 80, twice as much as the rate of women working full time and part time. Moreover, The amount of housewives was at 50 only female
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart illustrates the rate of entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
relaxed by genders during the period 2 year between 1998 and 1999.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
unemployed was largest, while this was opposite that of the range of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Besides
, the amount of female unemployment and retirement was highest.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of male was highest in unemployment, at 85. The rate of retirement was
nearly
85, which was
significantly
higher than The amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
45.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and housewives was similar, at 0.

Look at the chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of female unemployment and retirement age was close to 80, twice as much as the rate of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Moreover
, The amount of housewives was at 50
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
female
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IELTS academic The given chart illustrates the rate of entertainment time relaxed by genders during the period 2 year between 1998 and 1999.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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