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The given bar graph demonstrates two types of housings (owned and rented) between the time period of 1918 and 2011 in two different places, England and wales.

The given bar graph demonstrates two types of housings (owned and rented) between the time period of 1918 and 2011 in two different places, England and wales. 155bA
The given bar graph demonstrates two types of housings (owned and rented) between the time period of 1918 and 2011 in two different places, England and wales. The calibration of data is done in percentage. Overall, it is conspicuous that rented spaces were highest during 1918 and by the end of the surveyed time period their owned counterparts dominated the trend. First of all, in the year 1918, rented housings were at its peak at around 76% while owned housings stood at only around 23%. However, both types of accommodations hit a plateau between the years of 1939 and 1953 at 68% and 32%, rented and owned spaces, respectively. The following years, on the other hand, found a steady fall in the families who lived on rent and a ceiling trend in those who owned a house. Interestingly, in the year 2011, both the trajectories experienced a slight change, with owned houses dropping from 68% to around 63%, while rented houses took a leap from 31% to approximately 37%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph demonstrates two types of housings (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
and rented) between the time period of 1918 and 2011 in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places, England and wales. The calibration of data
is done
in percentage.

Overall
, it is conspicuous that rented spaces were highest during 1918 and by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the surveyed time period their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
counterparts dominated the trend.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1918, rented housings were at its peak at around 76% while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
housings stood at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 23%.
However
, both types of accommodations hit a plateau between the years of 1939 and 1953 at 68% and 32%, rented and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
spaces,
respectively
.

The following years,
on the other hand
, found a steady fall in the families who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
on rent and a ceiling trend in those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Interestingly
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2011, both the trajectories experienced a slight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
dropping from 68% to around 63%, while rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
took a leap from 31% to approximately 37%.

IELTS academic The given bar graph demonstrates two types of housings (owned and rented) between the time period of 1918 and 2011 in two different places, England and wales.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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