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The given bar graph demonstrates the rate of female and male Australians in different age groups who took part in physical activity in 2010.

The given bar graph demonstrates the rate of female and male Australians in different age groups who took part in physical activity in 2010. XVgV8
The given bar graph demonstrates the rate of female and male Australians in different age groups who took part in physical activity in 2010. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that working out was more trendy among female Australians in comparison with male ones in the given year. Looking at the graph in more details, we can observe that percentage of men who worked out in 15-24 years was nearly 5% higher than their female counterparts(52. 8%). However, surprisingly the numbers started decreasing gradually to 39. 5% in 25-35% age groups and followed by a moderate increase (46. 7%) among senior citizens. On the other hand, we can notice that females accounted for the vast majority in attending gym almost in all age groups that started in 25-34 years with 48. 9% and rose significantly to 53% among 55-64 years old people. Despite of dominance of women in doing exercise the percentage of both genders who were busy with physical activity became equal to each other only with about 1% difference.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph demonstrates the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
and male Australians in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in physical activity in 2010. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that working out was more trendy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
Australians
in comparison
with male ones in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year.

Looking at the graph in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, we can observe that percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who worked out in 15-24 years was
nearly
5% higher than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
counterparts(52. 8%).
However
,
surprisingly
the numbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
decreasing
gradually
to 39. 5% in 25-35% age groups and followed by a moderate increase (46. 7%) among senior citizens.

On the other hand
, we can notice that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
accounted for the vast majority in attending gym almost in all age groups that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in 25-34 years with 48. 9% and rose
significantly
to 53% among 55-64 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
dominance of women in doing exercise the percentage of both genders who were busy with physical activity became equal to each other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with about 1% difference.
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IELTS academic The given bar graph demonstrates the rate of female and male Australians in different age groups who took part in physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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