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The given bar chart illustrates the five sports that the adults, boys, girls have engaged in Manchester, England.

The given bar chart illustrates the five sports that the adults, boys, girls have engaged in Manchester, England. A2eL
The given bar chart illustrates the five sports that the adults, boys, girls have engaged in Manchester, England. It is explicitly observed that in the bar chart most of them had taken part in Swimming whereas least had participated in Football. In Adults, the majority of them are interested in Swimming and Tennis and least interested in Hockey and Basketball. However, the highest number of boys (around 70) have been involved in Football. which was the least by adults and girls. In addition, the boys have shown less interest in Hockey among all types of sports. In contrast, the girls favourite sport was Hockey. Almost 60 out of 100 have participated in Hockey whereas the adults were less interested. The girls least favourite sport was Football only 5 of them were involved in it. In short, the boys have the highest portion of involvement in 3 out of 5 sports and adults have the lowest involvement in 4 out of 5 sports.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the five
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sports
that the
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adults
,
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boys
,
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girls
have engaged in Manchester, England.

It is
explicitly
observed that in the bar chart most of them had taken part in Swimming whereas least had participated in Football.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
, the majority of them
are interested
in Swimming and Tennis and least interested in Hockey and Basketball.
However
, the highest number of
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boys
(around 70) have
been involved
in Football.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
was the least by
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adults
and
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girls
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
have shown less interest in Hockey among all types of sports.

In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
was Hockey. Almost 60 out of 100 have participated in Hockey whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
were less interested. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
was Football
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 of them
were involved
in it.

In short, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
have the highest portion of involvement in 3 out of 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have the lowest involvement in 4 out of 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
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IELTS academic The given bar chart illustrates the five sports that the adults, boys, girls have engaged in Manchester, England.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
162 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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