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The four pie charts provide an outline of the proportion of different kinds of power generated between Germany and France during 2009.

The four pie charts provide an outline of the proportion of different kinds of power generated between Germany and France during 2009. Overall, in Germany, conventional thermal was the only type which recorded by far the highest figure, whereas nuclear power contained the highest figure in France over the period shown. Looking at pie charts in more detail, nearly 59. 6% of total electricity in Germany, was accounted for by conventional thermal. While France showed an opposite pattern in conventional thermal, making up for 10, 3%, over 70% energy obtained from nuclear power, which was nearly 3 times higher compared to Germany (23%). Moreover, remained type called renewables, accounted for 17, 4% in Germany and 13. 7% in France. It could be explained by the fact that biomass and wind contained similar figures, 39, 3%, and 36, 9%. While solar and hydroelectric was slightly lower 17, 7% and 6. 1%. In France, the total power provided by hydroelectric which accounted for 80, 5 was significantly higher than biomass, wind, and solar, 8, 1%, 10. 5%, 0, 9% respectively.
The four pie charts provide an outline of the proportion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
generated between Germany and France during 2009.

Overall
, in Germany, conventional thermal was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
type which recorded by far the highest figure, whereas nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
contained the highest figure in France over the period shown.

Looking at pie charts in more detail,
nearly
59. 6% of total electricity in Germany,
was accounted
for by conventional thermal. While France
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an opposite pattern in conventional thermal, making up for 10, 3%, over 70% energy obtained from nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
, which was
nearly
3 times higher compared to Germany (23%).
Moreover
, remained type called renewables, accounted for 17, 4% in Germany and 13. 7% in France.

It could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that biomass and wind contained similar figures, 39, 3%, and 36, 9%. While solar and hydroelectric was
slightly
lower 17, 7% and 6. 1%. In France, the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
power
provided by hydroelectric which accounted for 80, 5 was
significantly
higher than biomass, wind, and solar, 8, 1%, 10. 5%, 0, 9%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The four pie charts provide an outline of the proportion of different kinds of power generated between Germany and France during 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 7.0
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