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The four pie charts illustrate the proportion of workers allocated in three sectors

The four pie charts illustrate the proportion of workers allocated in three sectors eAJbx
The four pie charts illustrate the proportion of workers allocated in three sectors (manufacturing, sales, services) in two towns in distinct two years. Overall, it can be seen that the number of employees working in sales in both towns was highest in 1960. In 2010, there was a significant change in three fields. In 1960, sales represented the largest percentage of the total workers in A and B, at 41%, 70% respectively. 30% of employees in A worked in services. This figure of B was 20%. The rate of people distributing for manufacturing in A was nearly three times higher than that of B, 29% compared to 10%. In 2010, A town witnessed a considerable increase in the number of workers allocated in manufacturing, at 64%. This figure for B town was 25%. The rate of people working in sales in A and B was 20%, 53% respectively. The workforce worked in services in A town, accounting for 16%. This figure for B was 22%.
The four pie charts illustrate the proportion of workers allocated in three sectors (manufacturing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, services) in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
in distinct two years.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the number of employees working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
was highest in 1960. In 2010, there was a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in three fields.

In 1960,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
represented the largest percentage of the total workers in A and B, at 41%, 70%
respectively
. 30% of employees in A worked in services. This figure of B was 20%. The rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
distributing for manufacturing in A was
nearly
three times higher than that of B, 29% compared to 10%.

In 2010, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
witnessed a considerable increase in the number of workers allocated in manufacturing, at 64%. This figure for B
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
was 25%. The rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in A and B was 20%, 53%
respectively
. The workforce worked in services in A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
, accounting for 16%. This figure for B was 22%.
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IELTS academic The four pie charts illustrate the proportion of workers allocated in three sectors

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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