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The following information show consumption of energy in 2009 and 2010. write a summary of the information. Select and report the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The following information show consumption of energy in 2009 and 2010. write a summary of the information. Select and report the main features, and make comparisons where relevant VwJd7
The pie chart exhibit the information about the consumption of energy in the year 2009 and 2010. On the one hand, the ratio of worldwide consumption in the year of 2009-10 is as below. However, the proportion of coal is around 30% it increased 7. 5 in 2010. Percentage of hydroelectricity was approx 6% in 2009 after that it increased in 2010 around 11%. Segment of natural gas was 24% in 2009 it rise in 2010 about 31%. On the other hand, amount of nuclear energy was 5% in the year of 2009 than it enhanced in 2010 only +2 percent. Moreover, the portion of oil was 34% in 2009 it enriched in 2010 approx 37%. Lastly, the quota of renewables in 2009 was 1% and it jack up in 2010 it was 16. 5%. In conclude, the segment of all consumption was increased in 2010 but the high difference in renewables.
The pie chart exhibit the information about the consumption of energy in the year 2009 and 2010.

On the one hand, the ratio of worldwide consumption in the year of 2009-10 is as below.
However
, the proportion of coal is around 30% it increased 7. 5 in 2010. Percentage of hydroelectricity was approx 6% in 2009 after that it increased in 2010 around 11%. Segment of natural gas was 24% in 2009 it
Did you mean "rises"?
rise
in 2010 about 31%.

On the other hand
, amount of nuclear energy was 5% in the year of 2009 than it enhanced in 2010
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
+2 percent.
Moreover
, the portion of oil was 34% in 2009 it enriched in 2010 approx 37%.
Lastly
, the quota of renewables in 2009 was 1% and it
Did you mean "jacks"?
jack
up in 2010 it was 16. 5%.

In conclude, the segment of all consumption
was increased
in 2010
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the high difference in renewables.
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IELTS academic The following information show consumption of energy in 2009 and 2010. write a summary of the information. Select and report the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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