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The following chart illustrate reason for internet usage in the United Kingdom in the year

The following chart illustrate reason for internet usage in the United Kingdom in the year eR1MW
The given vertical bar graph depicts the information about the proportion of both sexes prefer to use internet due to several reason in the selected nation of UK by the year of 2001. Having a cursory glass, maximum male and female wants to consume network for sending the e-mail and the less proportion of both gender use the internet for commercial vendor in the given time period. Turning to details, under the 40% man spend the time on internet for games and it shows plummet trend in women category about 20%, a minor difference is seen in boys and girls who prefer to use the email for messages can be negligible.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
vertical bar graph depicts the information about the proportion of both sexes prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet due to
Possible agreement error. The noun reason seems to be countable; consider using: "several reasons".
several reason
in the selected nation of UK by the year of 2001. Having a cursory glass, maximum male and female wants to consume network for sending the e-mail and the less proportion of both gender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for commercial vendor in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period. Turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, under the 40%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
spend the time on internet for games and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
plummet trend in women category about 20%, a minor difference is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in boys and girls who prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the email for messages can be negligible.
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IELTS academic The following chart illustrate reason for internet usage in the United Kingdom in the year

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
111 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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