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the first time using social media

the first time using social media AJm9N
Presented is the bar chart exhibiting at what age students first contact with social media. At first sight, it can be clearly seen that up to 47 out of 70 students at the age of starting secondary school have used the Internet, while only 4 pupils started using it when they were over 19 years old. Furthermore, the number of students who started using social media between the ages of 16 and 18 has doubled the number of students under the age of 10, accounted for 13 and 6 respectively.
Presented is the bar chart exhibiting at what
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age
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students
first
contact with social media.

At
first
sight, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that up to 47 out of 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of starting secondary school have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the Internet, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4 pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using it when they were over 19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Furthermore
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using social media between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of 16 and 18 has doubled the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 10, accounted for 13 and 6
respectively
.
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IELTS academic the first time using social media

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
90 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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