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the graph show the rate of cinema visitor in four groups in the certain country

the graph show the rate of cinema visitor in four groups in the certain country O6dQG
The given line graph depicts the proportion of moviegoers in a certain country, grouped according to age. Overall, age played a role in cinema attendance as younger. Moreover, three out of four groups have a similar pattern, except for the elderly group. Nevertheless, the elderly age group remained by far the lowest rate. As can be seen, the youngest group who enjoyed visiting cinema the most started at exactly 90 percent in 1987 before experiencing a slight recovery and stood at the original point from 1998 to 2003, followed by a considerable fall to just over 80 percent onward. On the contrary, the proportion of the oldest was always below 40 percent during the period from 1978 to 2003. In the year latter 2003, however, more elderly people preferred to watch movies and this figure increased slightly to 50 percent in 2008. Likewise, to the percentage of cinema visitors aged from 25 to 34, there is a significant decrease from 80 percent to 60 percent between 1978 and 1988, followed by a moderate increase in 1998. After that, it was stable during 1998 and 2003 and then fell to 56 percent in 2008. Similarly, the share of age group 35-49 age group arrived at the bottom at 40 percent before a considerable rise in 1988. A decade later, it reached the peak at about 62 percent and kept constantly until a fall from 2003.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph depicts the proportion of moviegoers in a certain country, grouped according to age.

Overall
,
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age
played a role in cinema attendance as younger.
Moreover
, three out of four
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groups
have a similar pattern,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the elderly
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group
.
Nevertheless
, the elderly
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
remained by far the lowest rate.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the youngest
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group
who enjoyed visiting cinema the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at exactly 90
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percent
in 1987
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
experiencing a slight recovery and stood at the original point from 1998 to 2003, followed by a considerable fall to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 80
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percent
onward.
On the contrary
, the proportion of the oldest was always below 40
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percent
during the period from 1978 to 2003. In the year latter 2003,
however
, more elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies and this figure increased
slightly
to 50
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percent
in 2008.

Likewise
, to the percentage of cinema visitors aged from 25 to 34, there is a significant decrease from 80
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percent
to 60
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percent
between 1978 and 1988, followed by a moderate increase in 1998. After that, it was stable during 1998 and 2003 and then fell to 56
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percent
in 2008.
Similarly
, the share of
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age
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group
35-49
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
arrived at the bottom at 40
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percent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a considerable rise in 1988. A decade later, it reached the peak at about 62
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percent
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
constantly
until a fall from 2003.
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IELTS academic the graph show the rate of cinema visitor in four groups in the certain country

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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