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The first pie chart illustrates how energy is used by the population in Australia for household. The second one shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which produced by the use of this energy

The first pie chart illustrates how energy is used by the population in Australia for household. The second one shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which produced by the use of this energy rbLgl
Overall, the amounts of both water heating and heating and cooling were higher than other household energy use with greenhouse gas in those given charts. First of all, the percentage of other appliances was the highest in the first chart (24%) but refrigeration and lightning's less than a fifth. Also, there were the same percentages for cooking and stand by ( 5%). However, both of thewater heating and heating and cooling's about a fifth. The percentages of cooking, stand by and lighting do not differentiate from each other ( all of them were less than ten) and althouh the water heating was the same with the first chart's one, the amount of other appliances only 16% for greenhouse gas produced.
Overall
, the amounts of both water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
and cooling were higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
household energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
with greenhouse gas in those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
charts.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances was the highest in the
first
chart (24%)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
refrigeration and lightning's less than a fifth.
Also
, there were the same percentages for cooking and stand by
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
5%).
However
, both of
Possible spelling mistake found.
thewater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
and cooling's about a fifth. The percentages of cooking, stand by and lighting do not differentiate from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
all of them were less than ten) and
Possible spelling mistake found.
althouh
the water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
was the same with the
first
chart's one, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16% for greenhouse gas produced.
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IELTS academic The first pie chart illustrates how energy is used by the population in Australia for household. The second one shows the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which produced by the use of this energy

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
120 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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