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the bar chart illustrated the propotion of the women and men academic staff who taught in seven different faculities of a major considerable university in 2012.

the bar chart illustrated the propotion of the women and men academic staff who taught in seven different faculities of a major considerable university in 2012. nxROK
the bar chart illustrated the propotion of the women and men academic staff who taught in seven different faculities of a major considerable university in 2012. Overall, it is clear that, for females, education accounted for the greatest percentage and the the rate of engineering in men was by far the highest whereas the rates of other were much lower at the same time. Additionally, it is also noticeable that in business, engineering, law and science academics males was much higher whilist the occupied by females. For the female academic staff, the rate of education was by far the highest, at nearly 80% while the figures for the other faculties were much lower, ranging form 20% to 60%. Simultaneously, for the male academic staff, the rate of engineering accounted for the greatest distribution, 82% of the staff, which more than doubled the proportions of the rate ò business, foldfold the figure for education amnd far overtake than those of the rest. Out of two genders, the arts and education percentaged of the male academic staff were 16%, 58% respectively lower than the the rates of the females but the medicine rate of the both genders were similar, standing at 43%. regarding the remaining faculties, the proportion ò the male were greater, exceeding those of the female by 60% or under.
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the
bar chart illustrated the
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propotion
of the women and
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men
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academic
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staff
who taught in seven
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different
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faculities
of a major considerable university in 2012.

Overall
, it is
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clear
that, for
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females
,
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education
accounted for the greatest percentage and
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the the
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rate
of engineering in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was by far the highest whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of other were much lower at the same time.
Additionally
, it is
also
noticeable that in business, engineering, law and science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
was much higher
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whilist
the occupied by females.

For the
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female
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
, the
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rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was by far the highest, at
nearly
80% while the figures for the other faculties were much lower, ranging form 20% to 60%.
Simultaneously
, for the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of engineering accounted for the greatest distribution, 82% of the
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staff
, which more than doubled the proportions of the
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rate
ò business,
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foldfold
the figure for
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education
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amnd
far overtake than those of the rest.

Out of two genders, the arts and
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education
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percentaged
of the male
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academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
were 16%, 58%
respectively
lower than
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the the
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rates
of the
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females
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but
the medicine
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rate
of the both genders were similar, standing at 43%.
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regarding
the remaining faculties, the proportion ò the male were greater, exceeding those of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
by 60% or under.
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IELTS academic the bar chart illustrated the propotion of the women and men academic staff who taught in seven different faculities of a major considerable university in 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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