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The first pie chart depicts the average energy consumption of Australian inhabitants.

The first pie chart depicts the average energy consumption of Australian inhabitants. Bl6OX
The first pie chart depicts the average energy consumption of Australian inhabitants. The second diagram demonstrates that these energy consumptions that cause greenhouse gas emissions. First of all, there are six categories on the first graph. The first category is “heating” and 42 percent of people use heating energy which is the highest rate among the other categories. The proportion of Households that has been using water heating energy is 30 percent which is the second-highest possible score. The third category is that “other appliances” which is 15 percent of residents. The rate of inhabitants who use refrigeration energy is 7 percent which is roughly similar to the number of people using the lighting energy that is 4 percent. The last category is that “cooling energy” which is the 2 percentage of households in Australia which is the lowest. The second diagram consists of six lines. People who have been using water heating caused 32 percent of greenhouse gas emissions which is the highest compared to other categories. The second-highest greenhouse gas emission is 28 percent resulted from other appliances. Australian household who has been using heating which resulted in 15 percent of greenhouse emissions which is roughly similar to the number of people who has been using refrigeration energy which is 14 percent. Lighting energy was consumed by residents given rise to 8 percent of gas emissions. The last category is cooling energy was consumed by inhabitants which is the 3 percent that caused dangerous gases for the environment. In conclusion, water heating is the most dangerous energy consumption for the environment because it releases 32 percent of greenhouse gas to the environment which is the maximum in all categories.
The
first
pie chart depicts the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption of Australian inhabitants. The second diagram demonstrates that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
that cause
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
emissions.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are six
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categories
on the
first
graph. The
first
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category
is
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“heating”
and 42
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percent
of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
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energy
which is the highest rate among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
. The proportion of Households that has been using water
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heating
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energy
is 30
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percent
which is the second-highest possible score.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
third
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category
is that
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“other
appliances” which is 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of residents.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
rate of inhabitants
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
refrigeration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
which is roughly similar to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using the lighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
that is
4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
is that “cooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy”
which is the 2 percentage of households in Australia which is the lowest.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second diagram consists of six lines.
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People
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who
have been using water
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heating
caused 32
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
which is the highest compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
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categories
. The second-highest
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
is 28
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percent
resulted from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances. Australian household
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who
has been using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
which resulted in 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
which is roughly similar to the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has been using refrigeration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
which is 14
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percent
. Lighting
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energy
was consumed
by residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to 8
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
. The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
is cooling
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energy
was consumed
by inhabitants which is the 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
that caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gases for the environment.

In conclusion
, water
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heating
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
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energy
consumption for the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it releases 32
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
to the environment which is the maximum in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
.
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IELTS academic The first pie chart depicts the average energy consumption of Australian inhabitants.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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