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The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019. 953Kn
This figure shows the amount of money that Paris's people spend on their hobit in four different stage of ages. the youngest group spent most of their money in music concerts which nearly 15 millions. the second group which represent for 30's people have chosen restaurants to be the most thing that they put their money. the middle-age group whose range from 40 to 55 made a huge different with their money they put in restaurant compares with the others two and also with others group. and final group with elder people also spent a lot in restaurant. the spending structure stay the same as middle-age group but much lower in amount of money
This figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that Paris's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
hobit
in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stage of ages.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
youngest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
spent most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in music concerts which
nearly
15 millions.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
which represent for
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "30s".
30's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have chosen restaurants to be the most thing that they put their money.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
the
middle-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
whose range from 40 to 55 made a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they put in restaurant compares with the others two and
also
with others group.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
with elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
spent a lot in restaurant.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
spending structure stay the same as middle-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
much lower in amount of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
money
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IELTS academic The bar chart compares the amount of money (in millions of euros) that people in four different age groups from Paris, France, spent on going to the cinema, restaurants and music concerts in 2019.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
113 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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