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The first given graph illustrates how much money parents paid for their children’s sports from 2008 to 2014 while the second chart demonstrates how many children took part in three different sports in Britain in the same time.

The first given graph illustrates how much money parents paid for their children’s sports from 2008 to 2014 while the second chart demonstrates how many children took part in three different sports in Britain in the same time. 0l67q
The first given graph illustrates how much money parents paid for their children’s sports from 2008 to 2014 while the second chart demonstrates how many children took part in three different sports in Britain in the same time. It is crystal clear that parents paid for their children’s sports in six years and the amount of money increased trough years. Meanwhile, the number of children playing football, athletics and swimming climbed as well over the same time period. According to the first chart, in 2008, parents spent 20 pounds per month for their children’s sports and it increased through years. They have paid for the sport that their children palyed for six years and in 2014, the amount of money of children’sports was roughly 31 pounds per month. Regarding to the sencond graph, in 2008, there were about 8 millions children who took part in football which is roughly four times greater than the number of children went swimming. In addition, in 2008, the number of children who practised athletics was nearly 500 hundred and it remained stable in 2010. From 2010 to 2012, a significant increase was since in the number of children doing athletics. in 2012, it reached 5 millions people and remained unchanged in 2014. Meanwhile, there was a slight increased in the number of children participated in swimming drom 2008 to 2014 and in 2014, nearly 3 millions children practised swimming. In addition, the number of children who played foortball remained fluctuate at 8 millions
The
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph illustrates how much money parents paid for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from 2008 to 2014 while the second chart demonstrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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sports
in Britain in the same time.

It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that parents paid for their
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children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in six years and the amount of money increased trough years. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing football, athletics and swimming climbed
as well
over the same time period.

According to the
first
chart, in 2008, parents spent
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
20 pounds
per month for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and it increased through years. They have paid for the
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sport
that their
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children
Possible spelling mistake found.
palyed
for six years and in 2014, the amount of money of children’sports was roughly
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31 pounds
per month.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the
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sencond
graph, in 2008, there were about 8
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millions
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children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in football which is roughly four times greater than the
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number
of
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children
went swimming.
In addition
, in 2008, the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
athletics was
nearly
500 hundred and it remained stable in 2010. From 2010 to 2012, a significant increase was since in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
doing athletics.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
2012, it reached 5
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millions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and remained unchanged in 2014. Meanwhile, there was a slight increased in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participated in swimming
Possible spelling mistake found.
drom
2008 to 2014 and in 2014,
nearly
3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
swimming.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who played
Possible spelling mistake found.
foortball
remained fluctuate at 8
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
millions
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IELTS academic The first given graph illustrates how much money parents paid for their children’s sports from 2008 to 2014 while the second chart demonstrates how many children took part in three different sports in Britain in the same time.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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