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The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which results from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which results from this energy use. QabX
These two pie charts provide the percentage of the consumption of energy by Australian people and the proportion of gas is produced by these appliances. Overall, the most significant part of the consumption of energy is heating and water heating. Moreover, refrigeration and lighting are used less energy whereas produced more than doubled the greenhouse gas. First of all, heating is a widely used appliance in Australian households which used about 42% of the total energy. Meanwhile, this equipment is produced a mere 15% of the greenhouse gas. The second most things are water heating, which accounted for below a third as compared the rate of emissions slightly higher to 32%. In streak contrast, refrigeration and lighting equipment is used as the least amount of energy 7% and 4 % respectively. These figures for emissions of gas is exactly double, which represented 14% and 8% respectively. Apart from this, Australian people only 15% of their total energy utilized in other appliances, however, it emits gas about 28%. Finally, for cooling, there is a lower rate of energy consumption and emission.
These two pie charts provide the percentage of the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
by Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
is produced
by these appliances.

Overall
, the most significant part of the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
.
Moreover
, refrigeration and lighting are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
whereas produced more than doubled the greenhouse gas.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is a
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
appliance in Australian households which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
about 42% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. Meanwhile, this equipment
is produced
a mere 15% of the greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
. The second most things are water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
, which accounted for below a third as compared the rate of emissions
slightly
higher to 32%.

In streak contrast, refrigeration and lighting equipment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as the least amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
7% and 4 %
respectively
. These figures for emissions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
is exactly double, which represented 14% and 8%
respectively
. Apart from this, Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15% of their total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
utilized in other appliances,
however
, it emits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
about 28%.
Finally
, for cooling, there is a lower rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
consumption and emission.
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IELTS academic The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which results from this energy use.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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