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The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. GMdyw
The pie charts enumerate the consumption of energy and its greenhouse gas emissions result of the same it in an average Australian household. Overall, it is noticeable that the usage of heating is the highest amongst all other energies. while the most gas emissions are through other appliances. The energy which is used the most in the households of Australia is heating which is 42%, followed by that the second most consumed energy is water heating 30%. The other appliances usage is half of the water heating that is 15%. The refrigeration, lighting, cooling consumption remains the least absorbed at 7%, 4%, and 2% respectively. Although, heating absorption is the highest but the gas it emits is less at 15%. The water heating is responsible for the most greenhouse effect which is 32%. Whereas refrigeration and other appliances are used less, they releases 14% and 28% of gas respectively. The quarter rest emission is through lighting and cooling with 8% and 3% respectively.
The pie charts enumerate the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
and its greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
emissions result of the same it in an average Australian household.

Overall
, it is noticeable that the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is the highest amongst all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
the most
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gas
emissions are through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the most in the households of Australia is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
which is 42%, followed by that the second most consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
30%.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "appliances'" or "appliance's"?
appliances
usage is half of the water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
that is
15%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
refrigeration, lighting, cooling consumption remains the least
The usual collocation for "absorbed" is "in" not "at". Did you mean "absorbed in"?
absorbed at
7%, 4%, and 2%
respectively
.

Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
absorption is the highest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
it emits is less at 15%. The water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
is responsible for the most greenhouse effect which is 32%. Whereas refrigeration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
appliances are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
less, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "release"
releases
14% and 28% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
respectively
. The quarter rest emission is through lighting and cooling with 8% and 3%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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