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The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

One of the line graphs illustrates the data about how much money parents in Britain spent on children’s sporting activities over a 6-year period, starting from 2008. The other graph compares how many children took part in football, athletics, and swimming over the same period. Overall, what stands out from the graph is that the amount of average money spent each month on children’s sports had an upward trend. And another interesting feature is that the number of children who participated in football was always higher than athletics and swimming. In 2008, British parents spent approximately £20 on children’s sporting activities. In the next 6 years, the amount of money that parents paid for that increased dramatically and reached a peak at over £30 in the year 2014. As can be seen in the second chart, starting at approximately 8 million children in 2008, the number of students who took part in football increased significantly to reach a peak at nearly 9 million children in 2014. While there were 2 million children who participated in swimming in 2008, exceeding the quantity of athletics, which had only a half of million children. The period between 2008 and 2014 witnessed a double increase in the quantity of children who took part in swimming, from 2 million to 4 million. The number of students participating in athletics remained unchanged in the first two years before experiencing a remarkable rise and peaked at 5 million in 2012. After that, it decreased slightly and finished at 4. 8 million.
One of the line graphs illustrates the data about how much money parents in Britain spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
sporting activities over a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
6-year
period, starting from 2008. The other graph compares how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in football, athletics, and swimming over the same period.

Overall
, what stands out from the graph is that the amount of average money spent each month on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
sports had an upward trend. And another interesting feature is that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated in football was always higher than athletics and swimming.

In 2008, British parents spent approximately £20 on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
sporting activities. In the
next
6 years, the amount of money that parents paid for that increased
dramatically
and reached a peak at over £30 in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2014.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the second chart, starting at approximately 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in 2008, the number of students
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in football increased
significantly
to reach a peak at
nearly
9
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in 2014. While there were 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated in swimming in 2008, exceeding the quantity of athletics, which had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The period between 2008 and 2014 witnessed a double increase in the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in swimming, from 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
to 4
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million
. The number of students participating in athletics remained unchanged in the
first
two years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
experiencing a remarkable rise and peaked at 5
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million
in 2012. After that, it decreased
slightly
and finished at 4. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
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IELTS academic The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children’s sports between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.