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the figures below show the information about the television watching habits of children Australia.

the figures below show the information about the television watching habits of children Australia. DYj96
The given bar charts illustrate the statistical proportion about how many hours using telly per school day and the latest time permitted to watching television of Australian children. Apparently, in the first graph, it can be seen that the highest time percentage of both girls and boys spend to using TV is at 1-5 hours mark. Furthermore, in the second chart, 7. 30-9. 30pm is the curfew of watching TV for the children which makes up the top rate. As is observed, 1-5 hours account for the most elevated percentage of watching TV not only girls but also boys in Australia, between 50 and 60 per cent. Except for the peak and the unworthy percentage of children who do not use TV, the proportion of Australian girls who watch television are decrease from 20 per cent at less than an hour to nearly half of 10. Besides, the boys are opposite with the girls when the percentage increase from about 17% to upper 20% at lower an hour to 5-9 hours. However, in nine hours mark, it is down to approximately 8%. In chronological order of the second chart, for the kids who do not watch the telly, the percentage of this mark is not worth considering with just about five. From the period of 7. 30 to 9. 30 pm, however, it is the curfew time to watch telly with the ratio of the female is nearly 60% and the male is above 50%. Later, the percentage of using TV between half-past nine and eleven pm decline less than 40 per cent, additionally the proportion of boys is noticeably higher than the girls. Subsequently, the curfew at near midnight of both gender takes up just under 10 per cent.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts illustrate the statistical proportion about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
using
telly
per school day and the latest time permitted to watching television of Australian children.

Apparently
, in the
first
graph, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest time
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percentage
of both
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girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
spend to using TV is at 1-5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
mark.
Furthermore
, in the second chart, 7. 30-9. 30pm is the curfew of watching TV for the children which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up the top rate.

As
is observed
, 1-5
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hours
account for the most elevated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of watching TV not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
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boys
in Australia, between 50 and 60 per cent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
the peak and the unworthy
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percentage
of children who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
TV, the proportion of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television are decrease from 20 per cent at less than an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
to
nearly
half of 10.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are opposite with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
increase from about 17% to upper 20% at lower an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
to 5-9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
However
, in nine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
mark, it is down to approximately 8%.

In chronological order of the second chart, for the kids who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
telly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of this mark is not worth considering with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about five. From the period of 7. 30 to 9. 30 pm,
however
, it is the curfew time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
telly
with the ratio of the female is
nearly
60% and the male is above 50%. Later, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of using TV between half-past nine and eleven pm decline less than 40 per cent,
additionally
the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
is
noticeably
higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Subsequently
, the curfew at near midnight of both gender takes up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 10 per cent.

IELTS academic the figures below show the information about the television watching habits of children Australia.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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