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California employment rates

California employment rates xapAy
The table illustrates the worker proportions in five economic sectors in California from 2010 to 2030. Overall, the proportions of people working in health, services and information technology (IT) sector are projected to increase. By contrast, there will be a drop in government (education/ law enforcement), manufacturing/ agriculture and low wage (retail/ fast food). Meanwhile, the rate of business/ administration is forecast to remain the same. From 2010 to 2030, the government and low wage sectors are predicted to drop gradually from 18% to 14% and 24% to 16% respectively. Similarly, it is predicted that manufacturing/ agriculture will account for the lowest figure and it will decrease from 8% in 2010 to 4% in 2030. By contrast, there is predicted to be a considerable increase from 12% to 23% in the health sector over the 30 years and it will become the most popular sector in California. Regarding services and IT sector, they are set to rise from 17% to 20% and 8% to 10% respectively. Lastly, there will be no change in the figure for business/administration and it is expected to remain at 13% in both years.
The table illustrates the worker proportions in five economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in California from 2010 to 2030.
Overall
, the proportions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in health, services and information technology (IT)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
are projected
to increase. By contrast, there will be a drop in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
(education/ law enforcement), manufacturing/ agriculture and low wage (retail/
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food). Meanwhile, the rate of business/ administration is forecast to remain the same.

From 2010 to 2030, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and low wage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
are predicted
to drop
gradually
from 18% to 14% and 24% to 16%
respectively
.
Similarly
, it
is predicted
that manufacturing/ agriculture will account for the lowest figure and it will decrease from 8% in 2010 to 4% in 2030.

By contrast, there
is predicted
to be a considerable increase from 12% to 23% in the health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
over the 30 years and it will become the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in California. Regarding services and IT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
, they
are set
to rise from 17% to 20% and 8% to 10%
respectively
.

Lastly
, there will be no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the figure for business/administration and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to remain at 13% in both years.
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IELTS academic California employment rates

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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