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The figure gives information about smoking habits of the UK population by age

The figure gives information about smoking habits of the UK population by age 15kj7
The figure given provides information regarding the habits of smoking of UK inhabitants by age (16-74). In general, it is clear that younger people, from sixteen to forty-four years old, are light smokers, while the old ones (45 to 74 years old) are mostly ex-smokers. However, the percentage shows that the majority of UK people are never smoke. As can be seen, the highest proportion of heavy smokers are those who are 35 to 54 years old, which is more than 20%. In contrast, less than 5% of adults (16-24) and the elderly (65-74) are heavy smokers. Moreover, just under 60% of younger citizens from 16 to 34 years old prefer to be a light smoker and slightly above 10% has decided to leave their smoking habits. In addition, as they get older, people in the UK have a tendency to quit smoke. It is evidenced by the highest proportion of the ex-smokers in the ageing population (55-74 years old), which is above 60 per cent.
The figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
provides information regarding the habits of smoking of UK inhabitants by age (16-74).
In general
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, from sixteen to forty-four years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, are light smokers, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones (45 to 74 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old)
are
mostly
ex-smokers.
However
, the percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the majority of UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are never smoke.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, the highest proportion of heavy smokers are those who are 35 to 54 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, which is more than 20%.
In contrast
, less than 5% of adults (16-24) and the elderly (65-74) are heavy smokers.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 60% of younger citizens from 16 to 34 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
prefer to be a light smoker and
slightly
above 10% has decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their smoking habits.

In addition
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the UK have a tendency to quit smoke. It
is evidenced
by the highest proportion of the ex-smokers in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population (55-74 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old)
, which is above 60 per cent.

IELTS academic The figure gives information about smoking habits of the UK population by age

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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