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The figure below provides information about the proportion of female who participated in the parliament from 2000 to 2012

The figure below provides information about the proportion of female who participated in the parliament from 2000 to 2012 LGj7n
The figure below provides information about the proportion of female who participated in the parliament from 2000 to 2012 in some European countries, namely Germany, Italy, France, UK and Belgium. The initial impression from the figure is that the percentage of female who joined the parliament as a member was grown during the years in the aforementioned countries. With respect to the graph it is seen that the highest percentage between countries belonged to Germany in 2000. In addition Germany experienced less fluctuations compared to other countries. The percentage of female members in Germany increased for just 5 percent and stood at near 36% in 2012. The year 2004 was a turning point, As it is seen regardless of Germany the percentage of other countries changed significantly. For example Belgium and France peaked in this year. In 2000 Belgium stood at roughly 15%, and France accounted for 25% sharp; then they kept rising in parallel with each other for the next 4 years and after an 10 percent increase they reached their peak in 2004. As it is seen although UK had the lowest proportion in 2012, it experienced the highest growth in comparison with other countries. The percentage of female members in parliament of UK was near 5% in 2000 which was the lowest percentage then it experienced the most dramatic rise and reached over 25% in 2012. It is worth mentioning that all the countries had a growing trend generally except for France which experienced a considerable decline for over 5% from 2004 to 2008.
The figure below provides information about the proportion of
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female
who participated in the parliament from 2000 to 2012 in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European
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countries
,
namely
Germany, Italy, France, UK and Belgium. The initial impression from the figure is that the
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percentage
of
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female
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the parliament as a member
was grown
during the years in the aforementioned countries.

With respect to the graph it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest
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percentage
between
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countries
belonged to Germany in 2000. In
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addition
Germany
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experienced
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun fluctuations is countable.
less
fluctuations compared to
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other
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countries
. The
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percentage
of
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female
members in Germany increased for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5 percent and stood at near 36% in 2012.

The
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year
2004 was a turning point, As it is
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seen
regardless of Germany the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
.
For example
Belgium and France peaked in this
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year
. In 2000 Belgium stood at roughly 15%, and France accounted for 25% sharp; then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
rising in parallel with each
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other
for the
next
4 years and after an 10 percent increase they reached their peak in 2004.

As it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
although UK had the lowest proportion in 2012, it
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experienced
the highest growth
in comparison
with
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
members in parliament of UK was near 5% in 2000 which was the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
then it
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experienced
the most dramatic rise and reached over 25% in 2012.

It is worth mentioning that all the
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countries
had a growing trend
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
France which
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experienced
a considerable decline for over 5% from 2004 to 2008.
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IELTS academic The figure below provides information about the proportion of female who participated in the parliament from 2000 to 2012

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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