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The drawing demonstrates how carbonated drinks are manufactured in a variety of stages.

The drawing demonstrates how carbonated drinks are manufactured in a variety of stages. o5b8B
The drawing demonstrates how carbonated drinks are manufactured in a variety of stages. It is obvious that the process involves five major steps and the main material is water. As can be seen from the diagram, at the first stage, water is cleaned by filtering out the dirt from raw water in a tank before experiencing a process of adding a softener and chemicals. Then, that amount of water is pumped to an Electric heaters to start the second step (Heating evaporation and carbonation). Subsequently, water flows through a cooling pipe to a specialized furnace to which carbon dioxide is added. Carbonated water then flows through a long pipe into the Mixing tank to be mixed with coloring, syrup and flavor in the third stage. Water is filtered again at the next phase, followed by filling process. Bottles and cans are filled with carbonated water before being packaged at the last stage and transported to consumption markets.
The drawing demonstrates how carbonated drinks
are manufactured
in a variety of stages.

It is obvious that the process involves five major steps and the main material is water.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the diagram, at the
first
stage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is cleaned
by filtering out the dirt from raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in a tank
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
experiencing a process of adding a softener and chemicals. Then, that amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is pumped
to an Electric
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "heater"?
heaters
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the second step (Heating evaporation and carbonation).
Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
flows through a cooling pipe to a specialized furnace to which carbon dioxide is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
.

Carbonated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
then flows through a long pipe into the Mixing tank to
be mixed
with coloring, syrup and flavor in the third stage.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
is filtered
again at the
next
phase, followed by filling process. Bottles and cans
are filled
with carbonated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being packaged
at the last stage and transported to consumption markets.
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IELTS academic The drawing demonstrates how carbonated drinks are manufactured in a variety of stages.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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