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The graph below shows permanent and long-term arrivals in New Zealand by country of origin in August of the years 2007 to 2009. Write a report of at least 150 words describing and comparing the data.

The graph below shows permanent and long-term arrivals in New Zealand by country of origin in August of the years 2007 to 2009. Write a report of at least 150 words describing and comparing the data. wM70e
The bar charts illustrate non-temporary and permanent arrivals in New Zealand by several countries from August 2007 to 2009. Firstly, in New Zealand, there was the incredibly highest number of USA population in August 2007, approximately 320 people. While there was the lowest member of Hongkong in 2007 including 2 years later, there were around 50 citizens. The situation of Hong Kong population number particularly similar to the steady proportion of France citizens. However, Canada and USA arrivals in New Zealand considerably fluctuated over a 3-year period. From 2007 to 2008, the number of Mid China residents significantly rose by 250, from 300 to 490, considerably reached its peak at 550 in 2009. with increasing number of Mid China people resulted in the highest number between 2008 to 2009. Additionally, the average of Germany population slightly climbed by 50 in August 2008 to 2009. Overall, the population of Mid China is rapidly increasing. It is able to predict that the number of Mid-China people is likely to skyrocket in the next decades.
The bar charts illustrate non-temporary and permanent arrivals in New Zealand by several countries from August 2007 to 2009.

Firstly
, in New Zealand, there was the
incredibly
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in August 2007, approximately 320
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While there was the lowest member of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hongkong
in 2007 including 2 years later, there were around 50 citizens. The situation of Hong Kong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
particularly
similar to the steady proportion of France citizens.
However
, Canada and USA arrivals in New Zealand
considerably
fluctuated over a 3-year period.

From 2007 to 2008, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Mid China residents
significantly
rose by 250, from 300 to 490,
considerably
reached its peak at 550 in 2009.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Mid China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
resulted in the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2008 and 2009".
between 2008 to 2009
.
Additionally
, the average of Germany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
slightly
climbed by 50 in August 2008 to 2009.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of Mid China is
rapidly
increasing. It is able to predict that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Mid-China
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
likely to skyrocket in the
next
decades.
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IELTS academic The graph below shows permanent and long-term arrivals in New Zealand by country of origin in August of the years 2007 to 2009. Write a report of at least 150 words describing and comparing the data.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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