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The table reveals statistics the figures of men and women in six sectors of the workforce in New Zealand in two various years.

The table reveals statistics the figures of men and women in six sectors of the workforce in New Zealand in two various years. 2xK9o
The table reveals statistics the figures of men and women in six sectors of the workforce in New Zealand in two various years. Overall, it is clear that the highest proportion of men and women in the workforce was recorded in services and transport, and agriculture in 1993, while there was an increase dramatically for the percentage of men and women working in business over the period. As shown in the table, just over half of women and approximately 20 percent of men in the workforce were employed in services and transport in 1993. In 2003, the figure for females decreased to 36 percent, whereas there was a rose significantly for the proportion of males to the same figure as females. In addition, the percentage of women and men were occupied at 22 percent and 38 percent respectively. However, this figure had a declined sustainability for male agricultural workers by 2003, accounting for 8 percent. There was a dramatic increase in the figures for women and men working in business, from 1 percent and 7 percent in 1993 to 21 percent and 38 percent in 2003 respectively. In contrast, the male and female workforce in manufacturing, building, and social services remained comparatively constant. Particularly, the proportion of these three regions is just below 20 percent in both years, especially, in 2003, women were employed in building for the first time, measuring at 6 percent.
The table reveals statistics the
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figures
of
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men
and
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women
in six sectors of the
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workforce
in New Zealand in two various years.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the highest proportion of
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men
and
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women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
was recorded
in services and transport, and agriculture in 1993, while there was an increase
dramatically
for the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
working in business over the period.

As shown in the table,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over half of
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women
and approximately 20
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
were employed
in services and transport in 1993. In 2003, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for females decreased to 36
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, whereas there was a rose
significantly
for the proportion of males to the same
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figure
as females.
In addition
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were occupied
at 22
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percent
and 38
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percent
respectively
.
However
, this
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figure
had a declined sustainability for male agricultural workers by 2003, accounting for 8 percent.

There was a dramatic increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
working in business, from 1
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percent
and 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1993 to 21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 38
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2003
respectively
.
In contrast
, the male and female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
in manufacturing, building, and social services remained
comparatively
constant.
Particularly
, the proportion of these three regions is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in both years,
especially
, in 2003,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were employed
in building for the
first
time, measuring at 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
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IELTS academic The table reveals statistics the figures of men and women in six sectors of the workforce in New Zealand in two various years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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