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the diagrams show the greenhouse effect on the temperature of the Earth

The provided process depicts various stages involved in how the solar heat impact on the Earth’s temperature and human life. It can be seen that the greenhouse effect process beginning with influence of the heat radiation of the sun on Earth and scattered by atmosphere and cloude to the contaminants included in factory impact the Earth’s atmosphere. The whole process starts when the solar ray affect to the Earth, 6% of the ray are scattered by the atmosphere. On the other hand, 20% of the heat radiation scattered and reflected by the clouds. Furthermore, the Earth’s atmosphere and clouds absorbs 19% of the sun ray and lead to the increase in the temperature of the Earth. Following the process is the lost of the heat at night and trapped by the greenhouse emissions in atmostphere. However, the heat at night influence to the life of Earth positively. The last but not least stage of the process, pollutants involved in factory gases which also are greenhouse emissions has appeared significantly and trap more heat. Subsequently, the temperature of the Earth rise and warmer.
The provided
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process
depicts various stages involved in how the solar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heat
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth’s
temperature and human life.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the greenhouse effect
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process
beginning with influence of the
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heat
radiation of the sun on
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Earth
and scattered by atmosphere and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cloude
to the contaminants included in factory impact the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth’s
atmosphere.

The whole
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process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
when the solar ray affect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
, 6% of the ray
are scattered
by the atmosphere.
On the other hand
, 20% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heat
radiation scattered and reflected by the clouds.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth’s
atmosphere and clouds absorbs 19% of the sun ray and lead to the increase in the temperature of the Earth.

Following the
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process
is the lost of the
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heat
at night and trapped by the greenhouse emissions in
Possible spelling mistake found.
atmostphere
.
However
, the
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heat
at night influence to the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
positively
. The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: “the least”.
least
stage of the
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process
, pollutants involved in factory gases which
also
are greenhouse emissions has appeared
significantly
and trap more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heat
.
Subsequently
, the temperature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
rise and warmer.
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IELTS academic the diagrams show the greenhouse effect on the temperature of the Earth

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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