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The diagrams present genres of music albums bought by folks in Britain according to their gender and age.

The diagrams present genres of music albums bought by folks in Britain according to their gender and age. BpPd
The diagrams present genres of music albums bought by folks in Britain according to their gender and age. The general trend visible at first first glance is that pop music was the most popular sort of music among females, while rock music was the most popular choice of males. It is noticeable that 30% of males decided to purchase a rock album, however the number of them that chose pop music was lower only by a few percentage points. Similarly, pop music was merely slightly more popular than rock music among females. Two types of music - rock and pop were almost equally popular among the youngest group of people and those of age 25 to 34 years old. In both these groups, both rock and pop albums were bought by around 30% of interviewees. However, there is one difference between these groups - rock music was slightly more popular among the youth, while pop music was modestly more trendy among those of the age 25 to 34. It can be seen that among those of age between 34 and 44 years old, pop music was more popular than rock music, but the difference was not a huge one. By contrast, albums of classical music was considerably less popular than the other types of music. Lastly, it is detectable that classical music was widely chosen only among those of age 25-34 and people who were older than 45 years old. When it comes to the other groups, the number of people who purchased albums of classical music did not exceed 10% in any of them. Thus, it is clear that classical music was the least popular among them.
The diagrams present genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
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albums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by folks in Britain according to their gender and age.

The general trend visible at
first
first
glance is that pop
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music
was the most
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popular
sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
among females, while
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rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was the most
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popular
choice of males.

It is noticeable that 30% of males decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
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album
,
however
the number of them that chose pop
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music
was lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by a few percentage points.
Similarly
, pop
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music
was
merely
slightly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
among females.

Two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
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rock
and pop were almost
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
among the youngest
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group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and those of
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age
25 to 34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. In both these
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groups
, both
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rock
and pop
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albums
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by around 30% of interviewees.
However
, there is one difference between these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was
slightly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
among the youth, while pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was
modestly
more trendy among those of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
25 to 34.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that among those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
between 34 and 44 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the difference was not a huge one. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was
considerably
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
than the other types of music.

Lastly
, it is detectable that
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classical
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music
was
widely
chosen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
among those of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
25-34 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were older than 45 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
albums
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
did not exceed 10% in any of them.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
was the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
among them.

IELTS academic The diagrams present genres of music albums bought by folks in Britain according to their gender and age.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
278 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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