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The diagrams illustrate the career paths followed by UK nursing graduates in 2009.

The diagrams illustrate the career paths followed by UK nursing graduates in 2009. KVg5M
The diagrams illustrate the career paths followed by UK nursing graduates in 2009. Overall, it is clear that the pie chart shows the highest percentage of nursing graduates who chose to work in the health sector. The table indicates that the majority of these worked as hospital nurses. Just over three-quarters of all nurses who graduated found a job in the health sector. However, a minority made different choices. The figure of nurses went on to do further studying just about 8 percent, 4 percent decided to combine working and studying. Other destinations outside the health sector were chosen by 10 percent of nursing graduates, and only 1 percent were unemployed. The table reveals statistics on the nursing graduates who entered the health sector in 2009. The highest destinations of nursing graduates belonged to the hospital, accounting for 70 percent. While the figures show that a significant percentage worked either as midwives and mental health nurses, with 12 percent and 10 percent respectively. In contrast, just 2 percent chose health administration. Finally, 6 percent were employed in other parts of the health sector.
The diagrams illustrate the career paths followed by UK nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in 2009.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the highest percentage of nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
who chose to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. The table indicates that the majority of these worked as hospital nurses.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
over three-quarters of all nurses who graduated found a job in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
However
, a minority made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choices. The figure of nurses went on to do
further
studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
decided to combine working and studying. Other destinations outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
were chosen
by 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
were unemployed
.

The table reveals statistics on the nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
who entered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in 2009. The highest destinations of nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
belonged to the hospital, accounting for 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. While the figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that a significant percentage worked either as midwives and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
nurses, with 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
chose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
administration.
Finally
, 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
were employed
in other parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
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IELTS academic The diagrams illustrate the career paths followed by UK nursing graduates in 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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