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The diagrams demonstrate the next actions of higher education in a faculty of history and engineering graduates after a half a year over two year period.

The diagrams demonstrate the next actions of higher education in a faculty of history and engineering graduates after a half a year over two year period. Oo2y
The diagrams demonstrate the next actions of higher education in a faculty of history and engineering graduates after a half a year over two year period. Overall, the majority of the graduates were emplyed in both History and Engineering faculty. Employed engineers’ percentage at the first 6 month after graduation in year one and two was around 75%, while more than 60% of history graduates started working after that time. More history graduates continued higher education than engineering alumni in both years and the gap between these two faculties was approximately 15%. In addition, a higher percentage of history graduates took their time out, around 8%, than the engineering graduates, who got 2—3% on this category. Finally, one out of ten who completed their studyings in engineering faculty was seeking for a job and their ratio was more than twice than the history major
The diagrams demonstrate the
next
actions of higher education in a faculty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
after a half a
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year
over two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
period.
Overall
, the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
were
Possible spelling mistake found.
emplyed
in both
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History
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
faculty.

Employed engineers’ percentage at the
first
6
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
after graduation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
one and two was around 75%, while more than 60% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working after that time. More
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
continued higher education than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
alumni in both years and the gap between these two faculties was approximately 15%.
In addition
, a higher percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
took their time out, around 8%, than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
2—3% on this category.

Finally
, one out of ten who completed their
Possible spelling mistake found.
studyings
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
faculty was seeking for a job and their ratio was more than twice than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
major
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IELTS academic The diagrams demonstrate the next actions of higher education in a faculty of history and engineering graduates after a half a year over two year period.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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