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The bar diagram depicts what kind of clubs citizens of two different age groups (25-35 and 55-65) have joined for their leisure activities in a city.

The bar diagram depicts what kind of clubs citizens of two different age groups (25-35 and 55-65) have joined for their leisure activities in a city. XmdY
Overall, in 1999, most of the people used to buy television as it was more expensive at that time. During these years the sales of televisions sometime fluctuated in number of selling and increased throughout the whole time period. The diagram below indicates, the information about the life cycle of salmon from the born egg to adult fish into 6 steps. The bar Graph illustrates, the information about the expenses which were invest in clean energy process from the time period of 2008 to 2015. It is obvious that more Brits enjoyed cinemas in a theatre than Australians did between 1976 and 2005. In 1975, over 100 million British watched movies in halls while this was just around 30 million in Australia. With some fluctuations, Australian movie-goers' number reached over 80 million after 3 decades. On the contrary, British cinema attendees dropped from 1977 to 1984, but afterwards steadily went up with some minor vacillations. After 30 years, almost 160 million British went to cinema halls- almost double than that of Australians The cycling club is very popular among youth as more than 65 youths have joined centres related to cycling. The number of elderly, who are between 55 to 65 years old and have joined a cycling club, is only 10. Contrary to this, a large number of old person prefer gardening with registered number about 55, but for the younger residents, it is nearly 25, making it the least popular option for them. Likewise, a large difference between the subjects can be observed on arts and crafts clubs with about 60 young members and only around 20 elder inhabitants have shown their interest in it. Amid these high differences in preferences, photography seems to be equally attractive to both age groups - 44 members from each group. Furthermore, a similar taste was observed in fitness and music/dance fondness. Both the club are enlisted by around 50 elderly as well as younger members.
Overall
, in 1999, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
television as it was more expensive at that time. During these years the sales of televisions sometime fluctuated in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of selling and increased throughout the whole time period.

The diagram below indicates, the information about the life cycle of salmon from the born egg to adult fish into 6 steps.

The bar Graph illustrates, the information about the expenses which were
Consider using a past participle here: "invested".
invest
in clean energy process from the time period of 2008 to 2015.

It is obvious that more Brits enjoyed cinemas in a
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
than Australians did between 1976 and 2005. In 1975, over 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
movies in halls while this was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in Australia. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations, Australian movie-goers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
reached over 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
after 3 decades.
On the contrary
, British cinema attendees dropped from 1977 to 1984,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
afterwards
steadily
went up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor vacillations. After 30 years, almost 160
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
British went to cinema halls- almost
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than that of Australians

The cycling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among youth as more than 65 youths have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
related to cycling. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of elderly, who are
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 55 and 65".
between 55 to 65
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a cycling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10. Contrary to this, a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
person prefer gardening with registered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
about 55,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the younger residents, it is
nearly
25, making it the least popular option for them.
Likewise
, a large difference between the subjects can
be observed
on arts and crafts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
with about 60 young members and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 20 elder inhabitants have shown their interest in it. Amid these high differences in preferences, photography seems to be
equally
attractive to both age groups
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
44 members from each group.
Furthermore
, a similar taste
was observed
in fitness and music/dance fondness. Both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
are enlisted
by around 50 elderly
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
younger members.
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IELTS academic The bar diagram depicts what kind of clubs citizens of two different age groups (25-35 and 55-65) have joined for their leisure activities in a city.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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