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The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes

The diagrams illustrate the phases and apparatus to make cement and how cement is utilised in the production of concrete for construction. The production of cement involves a 5 stage, linear process that begins with the mixing of raw materials and culminates in the packaging of new cement. Making concrete is a simpler process that involves mixing four ingredients in a concrete mixer. Limestone and clay are crushed and the resulting powder is then mixed before being passed through a rotating heater. Once heated this mixture travels over a conveyor belt and is ground through a grinder. Now that the cement has been produced, it is packaged and transported to a building site where it can be used to make concrete. Concrete is made up of half gravel, quarter sand, 10% water and 15% cement. All of these are added together in a cylindrical drum and rotated until concrete is yielded.
The diagrams illustrate the phases and apparatus to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
is
Possible spelling mistake. ‘utilised’ is British English.
utilised
in the production of concrete for construction.

The production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
involves a 5 stage, linear process that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with the mixing of raw materials and culminates in the packaging of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
. Making concrete is a simpler process that involves mixing four ingredients in a concrete mixer.

Limestone and clay
are crushed
and the resulting powder is then mixed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being passed
through a rotating heater. Once heated this mixture travels over a conveyor belt and
is ground
through a grinder.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
has
been produced
, it
is packaged
and transported to a building site where it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
concrete.

Concrete
is made
up of half gravel, quarter sand, 10% water and 15%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cement
. All of these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
together in a cylindrical drum and rotated until concrete
is yielded
.

IELTS academic The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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