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The diagram shows the Queen Mary hospital and the changes that have taken place since its construction in 1960

The diagram shows the Queen Mary hospital and the changes that have taken place since its construction in 1960 J9WB
The provided diagrams display Queen Mary hospital at three different stages in its development: 1960, 1980, 2000. At Fleeting glance, it is explicated that the hospital had witnessed note change from the beginning to the end of the period. The most noticeable alteration was expansion of Cancer centre and addition of nursing school. However, the farmland was removed after the first phase. It is evident that infirmary was belt in close proximity to the main road and next to it was shopping centre, in 1960. A farmerland was constructed on the left side while car parking was on the right side. By 1980, two addition had been made after demolishing the shopping centre namely; Cancer centre and a pharmacy. Whereas, farmland was replaced by a nursing school. Furthermore, after two decades, the parking area was divided into and it provided a smaller car park and a small nursing school. As a consequence, the cancer region was extended to cover the entire area left by school and it looked like letter l. Yet, the hospital and pharmacy remain same.
The provided diagrams display Queen Mary hospital at three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stages in its development: 1960, 1980, 2000.

At Fleeting glance, it
is explicated
that the hospital had witnessed note
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
from the beginning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. The most noticeable alteration was expansion of Cancer
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and addition of nursing school.
However
, the farmland
was removed
after the
first
phase.

It is evident that infirmary was belt in
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
to the main road and
next
to it was shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, in 1960. A
Possible spelling mistake found.
farmerland
was constructed
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
side while car parking was on the right side. By 1980, two addition had
been made
after demolishing the shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
namely
; Cancer
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and a pharmacy.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, farmland
was replaced
by a nursing school.

Furthermore
, after two decades, the parking area
was divided
into and it provided a smaller car park and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
nursing school. As a consequence, the cancer region
was extended
to cover the entire area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
by school and it looked like letter l.
Yet
, the hospital and pharmacy remain same.
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IELTS academic The diagram shows the Queen Mary hospital and the changes that have taken place since its construction in 1960

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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