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The diagram shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories.

The diagram shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. 0P29
The diagram informs us that the unpaid work hours for women increase, based on the number of children in their family. However we find there is only a minor change to the unpaid hours per week for men. For married women without children, the average unpaid work hours per week is 30. For married men the unpaid hours spent for activities like childcare, housework and gardening are around 18. Next we compare the unpaid hours for both men and women having between 1 and 2 children. When it comes to women in this category we find their unpaid work increases significantly to over 50 hours per week. However the average hours for men in the same category is unchanged. The last category compares the hours spent by men and women when there are 3 or more children to care for. There is only a slight change in the unpaid work hours when the number of children increase. The hours for women increase to almost 60 hours per week, however there is a slight decrease in the hours for men. There could be many reasons the unpaid work hours for women increase to a higher degree than men. If a married women is a stay at home mom, the more children she has, the more laundry and cleaning there would be. She would spend more time cooking, and caring for the children. However the man would still spend the same amount of time outside the home at work. The diagram does not show the amount of time the men and women spend for work outside the home. The words underlined and in bold, are phrases and words I took directly from the explanation given for the diagram. You should try to incorporate the words used in the explanation of the exam when you give your information. This also keeps you from having to think of so many new words.
The diagram informs us that the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
, based on the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their family.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
we find there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a minor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

For married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the average unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
is 30. For married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
spent for activities like childcare, housework and gardening are around 18.

Next
we compare the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
having between 1 and 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in this category we find their unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
significantly
to over 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in the same category
is unchanged
.

The last category compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
spent by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
when there are 3 or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to care for. There is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a slight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
when the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
to almost 60
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
,
however
there is a slight decrease in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

There could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
to a higher degree than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. If a married
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "woman"?
women
is a stay at home mom, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
she has, the more laundry and cleaning there would be. She would spend more time cooking, and caring for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
would
still
spend the same amount of time outside the home at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. The diagram does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the amount of time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
spend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outside the home.

The words underlined and in bold, are phrases and words I took
directly
from the explanation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for the diagram. You should try to incorporate the words
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the explanation of the exam when you give your information. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
you from having to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new words.
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IELTS academic The diagram shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
318 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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