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The diagram show the categories of the workforce in Australia and the unemployment within the three groups.

The diagram show the categories of the workforce in Australia and the unemployment within the three groups. YdMV5
The given pie chart depicts the information about the total workforce in Australia, whereas the liner represents, illustrates the unemployment rate among the given three workforce groups over five years. It can be vividly seen that the Australian had a 76% share of the workforce in Australia. however a difference of 2%was noticed in the English speaking people as well as non English speaking people related to the workforce share, . As the figure of non speaking people was 13% opposed to English speaking people. Moving towards line graph, the non native English speaker had the highest unemployment rate in 1998, having 8%proportion after which slight drop was noticed in the unemployment rate till 2001. After that it decreased sharply in 2003, and the figure reached 3%. Probing ahead, the native austalians showed a decereasing unemployment rate from 4% to 2% in given five years. The non native English speakers had an unemployment rate of 4% in 1998 whilst it decreased gradually and reached at 1% by 2003. Overall even though Australia had the maximum proportion of shares in the workforce, the unemployment rate of all these categories reached a tiny fraction by 2003.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart depicts the information about the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
in Australia, whereas the liner represents, illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
groups over five years. It can be
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the Australian had a 76% share of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
in Australia.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
a difference of 2%
was noticed
in the
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as non
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
related to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
share
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the figure of
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was 13% opposed to
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Moving towards line graph, the
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non native
English speaker had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in 1998, having 8%proportion after which slight drop
was noticed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
till 2001. After that it decreased
sharply
in 2003, and the figure reached 3%. Probing ahead, the native
Possible spelling mistake found.
austalians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
decereasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
from 4% to 2% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
five years. The
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non native
English speakers had an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of 4% in 1998 whilst it decreased
gradually
and reached at 1% by 2003.
Overall
even though
Australia had the maximum proportion of shares in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workforce
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of all these categories reached a tiny fraction by 2003.
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IELTS academic The diagram show the categories of the workforce in Australia and the unemployment within the three groups.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
194 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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