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The diagram indicates the number of man and women who smoke per 1000 people in Someland within 40 years between 1960 and 2000.

The diagram indicates the number of man and women who smoke per 1000 people in Someland within 40 years between 1960 and 2000. 96rVw
The diagram indicates the number of man and women who smoke per 1000 people in Someland within 40 years between 1960 and 2000. Overall, the figure for male and famale fluctuated significantly. Man plunged and did not have the signature of stop while women varied up and down continuously. In the rate of man, In the 1960, the number of man smoking were 600 people and havd a decrease in the next years. Specially, during the period of 1990 to 1995, the number went down sharply to nearly 100 people from 400 to 300 approximately. In the final year of this graph - 2000, the man smoke only 250 per 250. 000 people serveyed. It is easy to realize that the proportion in man declined nearly one thirt winthin 40 years. Moving to women, the data of women had a continuous flutuation. In the 1960, the rate of famale increased rapidly to 1965 and remain from 1965 to 1970 and then continue to over 300 people in 1975. After 1975, the figure for women smoking falled slightly. In 2000, the proportion of women is nearly the same as in man about 200 people.
The diagram indicates the number of
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man
and
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women
who smoke per 1000
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people
in
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Someland
within 40 years between 1960 and 2000.

Overall
, the figure for male and
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famale
fluctuated
significantly
.
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Man
plunged and did not have the signature of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
while
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women
varied up and down
continuously
.

In the rate of
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man
, In the 1960, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
man
smoking were 600
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people
and
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havd
a decrease in the
next
years.
Specially
, during the period of 1990 to 1995, the number went down
sharply
to
nearly
100
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people
from 400 to 300 approximately. In the final year of this graph
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
2000, the
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man
smoke
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
250 per 250. 000
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people
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serveyed
. It is easy to realize that the proportion in
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man
declined
nearly
one
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thirt
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winthin
40 years.

Moving to
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women
, the data of
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women
had a continuous
Possible spelling mistake found.
flutuation
. In the 1960, the rate of
Possible spelling mistake found.
famale
increased
rapidly
to 1965 and remain from 1965 to 1970 and then continue to over 300
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people
in 1975. After 1975, the figure for
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women
smoking
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fell", the past tense form of the verb 'fall'?
falled
slightly
. In 2000, the proportion of
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women
is
nearly
the same as in
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man
about 200
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people
.
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IELTS academic The diagram indicates the number of man and women who smoke per 1000 people in Someland within 40 years between 1960 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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