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The diagram illustrates the manual process of how shoes are manufactured and sent for sale.

The diagram illustrates the manual process of how shoes are manufactured and sent for sale. yQeJ
The diagram illustrates the manual process of how shoes are manufactured and sent for sale. Overall, shoes production is time consuming process that undergoes various stages. It is starting from choice of design and culminating in the sale. In the first stage of making shoes, shoes are designed by means of computer. Then, raw materials such as Stanley leather, mill fabric and rubber sole from divergent industries to one factory. Afterthat, various shape of these sole formed by stiching machine. After, these upper parts attached with bottoms by glue. Subsequently, shoes are packed into boxes before loading into the containers which has 5500 pairs of shoes. Next, these containers stored in the factory. Then, shoes are export to the shops for selling. These whole process consumes 18 months.
The diagram illustrates the manual process of how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
are manufactured
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
for sale.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
production is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
process that undergoes various stages. It is starting from choice of design and culminating in the sale.

In the
first
stage of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
are designed
by means of computer. Then, raw materials such as Stanley leather, mill fabric and rubber sole from divergent industries to one factory.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afterthat
, various shape of these sole formed by
Possible spelling mistake found.
stiching
machine.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
, these upper parts attached with bottoms by glue.

Subsequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
are packed
into boxes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
loading into the containers which has 5500 pairs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
.
Next
, these containers stored in the factory. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
are export to the shops for selling. These whole process consumes 18 months.

IELTS academic The diagram illustrates the manual process of how shoes are manufactured and sent for sale.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
128 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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