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The diagram illustrates the customers

The diagram illustrates the customers 1VoaL
The diagram illustrates the customers desire to purchase cars in percentage, from tech companies like Apple & Google with two different aspects(By Market and By Age Group) in seven countries, in year 2015. Overall, By market, it can be seen that India, China and Brazil are the top three countries having a large group of car buyers, on the contrary UK has the least. The people who are 18-34 years old, has showed highest interest, at 65%. In detail, India tops in all other nations having 81% of people. Similarly, China and Brazil have plentyof individuals. (74% and 63% respectively). Furthermore, all remaining countries has less than 40% of car buyers, that of France at 38%, Germany at 32% US at 29% and UK at 26 % which is lowest. Moving forward, the age group of 18-34 had a plethora of percentage, 65% of fortunate customers. Almost half of the prospected mankind were in a range of 35-49 years. Elderly people aged more than 50 year are less likely to purchase cars.
The diagram illustrates the customers desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in percentage, from tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Apple & Google with two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects(By Market and By Age Group) in seven countries, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2015.
Overall
, By market, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that India, China and Brazil are the top three countries having a large group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
buyers,
on the contrary
UK has the least. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are 18-34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
interest, at 65%.

In detail, India tops in all other nations having 81% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Similarly
, China and Brazil have
Possible spelling mistake found.
plentyof
individuals. (74% and 63%
respectively
).
Furthermore
, all remaining countries has less than 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
buyers, that of France at 38%, Germany at 32% US at 29% and UK at 26 % which is lowest.

Moving forward, the age group of 18-34 had a plethora of percentage, 65% of fortunate customers. Almost half of the prospected mankind were in a range of 35-49 years. Elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aged more than 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
are less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
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IELTS academic The diagram illustrates the customers

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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