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The graphs display the enrollment of foreign students and local learners in Australian universities in the period of over ten year.

The graphs display the enrollment of foreign students and local learners in Australian universities in the period of over ten year. R5VVG
Overall, overseas students had a lower amount of pupils under 100000. However, locally, scholars in Australia its self owned the number above 100000. As can be seen on the foreign university kids, commencing in Australian universities started at a low point, under 20000 units. This rose steadily until 2006 when it reached 20000 pupils, it began to flow up and touched the highest peak of 40000 students. In total, overseas university children increased gradually, this rocketed up and reached a little bit over 80000 amount of teenage got selected in Australian universities. By contrast, in Australia, local teen got chosen to be attended in universities began under 200000 figures than this number rose over 200000 and decreased afterwards. It fluctuated from 2003 to 2006 and the rise happened again then the decreasement showed up from 2007 to 2010, stopped at above of 200000. However, the statistic of total amount of pupils established at 400000 teenagers and blew up to over 600000 and steadily moved up from 2007 to 2010.
Overall
, overseas students had a lower amount of pupils under 100000.
However
,
locally
, scholars in Australia its self
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
the number above 100000.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
kids, commencing in Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at a low point, under 20000 units. This rose
steadily
until 2006 when it reached 20000 pupils, it began to flow up and touched the highest peak of 40000 students. In total, overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
children increased
gradually
, this rocketed up and reached a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
over 80000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'amount' seems to be countable, so consider using: "amounts".
amount
of teenage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
selected in Australian universities.

By contrast, in Australia, local teen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
chosen to
be attended
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
began under 200000 figures than this number rose over 200000 and decreased afterwards. It fluctuated from 2003 to 2006 and the rise happened again then the
Possible spelling mistake found.
decreasement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
up from 2007 to 2010,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
at above of 200000.
However
, the statistic of total amount of pupils established at 400000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and blew up to over 600000 and
steadily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
up from 2007 to 2010.

IELTS academic The graphs display the enrollment of foreign students and local learners in Australian universities in the period of over ten year.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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