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The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows the steps for the production of honey. Overall there are seven continuous stages that the bees follow to elaborate the honey. Firstly bees fly out from the hive looking for flowers full of nectar, which is the principal raw material for honey. Once they found enough nectar they retrieved to the hive where they store all the load within cells inside the hive. The bees start swinging their wings pushing air throughout the cells, this step increases the heat enough to start the elimination of water. Lastly eliminating enough water in each cell produces the finished good that we call honey.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the steps for the production of honey.
Overall
there are seven continuous stages that the bees follow to elaborate the honey.
Firstly
bees
fly
out from the hive looking for flowers full of nectar, which is the principal raw material for honey.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
they found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nectar they retrieved to the hive where they store all the load within cells inside the hive. The bees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
swinging their wings pushing air throughout the cells, this step increases the heat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the elimination of water.
Lastly
eliminating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
water in each cell produces the finished
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that we call honey.

IELTS academic The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.