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The diagram gives the information about the stages for building your own water o’clock with simple equipments

The diagram gives the information about the stages for building your own water o’clock with simple equipments y72QD
Before start to construct the water o’clock, there are some equipments that are needed. They are water tap, straw, two plastic bottles, tape, glue and stand. The first step is take the first bottle and make two holes. The hole size should have the similiar diameter with straw. One hole is on the side and another one is on the bottom. After that, attach the straw to the side hole with the glue. . For the second bottle, top of the bottle is cutted. A knife can be used to cut the top of the second bottle. The next step, make a volume scale on the side of the second bottle. It has a fuction as a levels per minute to measure how much water that is collected every minutes. The last step, manage the bottles into the stand. The second bottle is put on the bottom of the stand and the first botthe is attach on above of the second bottle with tape. The process will be begin with turn on the tap. Following this, the water will fill in to first bottle. While wait for the first bottle is fulled by water, the bottom hole is discovered by finger. There are two process that happen. There will be an overflow through the straw to keep the surface level constant. On the other hand, water will be drop to second bottle through the bottom hole. Take a note every minute about how much the water that are collected based on the levels per minutes. Empty and repeat the process for timing things from the first step. All of the equipments and process that are needed to create water o’clock are simple.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to construct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
o’clock, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
equipments that
are needed
. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
tap, straw, two plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottles
, tape, glue and stand. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
step is take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holes
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hole
size should have the
Possible spelling mistake found.
similiar
diameter with straw. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hole
is on the side and another one is on the bottom. After that, attach the straw to the side
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hole
with the glue.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
For the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
, top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
cutted
. A knife can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the top of the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
. The
next
step,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a volume scale on the side of the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
. It has a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fuction
as a levels per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minute
to measure how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
that
is collected
every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "minute"?
minutes
. The last step, manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottles
into the stand. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
is put
on the bottom of the stand and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
Possible spelling mistake found.
botthe
is
Consider using a past participle here: "attached".
attach
on above of the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
with tape.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
will be
Consider using the past participle "begun"?
begin
with turn on the tap. Following this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
will fill in to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
. While wait for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
is fulled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, the bottom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hole
is discovered
by finger. There are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
that happen. There will be an overflow through the straw to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the surface level constant.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
will be
Consider using a past participle here: "dropped".
drop
to second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
through the bottom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hole
. Take a note every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minute
about how much the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
that
are collected
based on the levels per minutes. Empty and repeat the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
for timing things from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
step.

Consider using "all the".
All of the
equipments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
that
are needed
to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
o’clock are simple.
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IELTS academic The diagram gives the information about the stages for building your own water o’clock with simple equipments

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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