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Most of the parents believe that university education will help their children to get stable occupation in the future

Most of the parents believe that university education will help their children to get stable occupation in the future O6B1E
Most of the parents believe that university education will help their children to get stable occupation in the future. Meanwhile, a few people think that there are more advantages for individuals and society by university education. Based on my point of view, university education can give more benefits for individuals and society than to get a good job only. Nowadays, one of the job requirements is you should graduate from university. This is one of the reasons why so many people want to attend the university. Because it will help job seeker to pass the administration stage. In my experince, if you want to be a healthy, safety and environment officer then you should have Environmental Engineering degree. However, it can not be a promise that people can get the job based on their degree only. There are others job requirements such as the organization experience that people should put attention. I believe that university education can provide more benefits for individuals and society. For student, they can learn about communication and leadership through the university organization that they join. It can improve their soft skill. Another positive impact of university education is for the society. For instance, during the covid-19 pandemic, university help the government to do the covid-19 vaccination. They decide to make their facilites as a vaccination place for public. In my conclusion, university education give us more positive impacts than to get a better job only. It helps our young generation to improve their soft and hard skill. They also give so many benefits for the residents and society.
Most of the parents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stable occupation in the future. Meanwhile, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are more advantages for individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Based on my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can give more benefits for individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

Nowadays, one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements is you should graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This is one of the reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seeker to pass the administration stage. In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
experince
, if you want to be a healthy, safety and environment officer then you should have Environmental Engineering degree.
However
, it can not be a promise that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on their degree
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. There are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requirements such as the organization experience that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should put attention.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can provide more benefits for individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. For student, they can learn about communication and leadership through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
organization that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For instance
, during the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
pandemic,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to do the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
vaccination. They decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
facilites
as a vaccination place for public.

In my conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
give us more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
our young generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. They
also
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for the residents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS academic Most of the parents believe that university education will help their children to get stable occupation in the future

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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