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The diagram depicts the process of honey production by bees

The diagram depicts the process of honey production by bees 0a96B
The diagram depicts the process of honey production by bees. Overall, the process consists of 7 stages of honey making. Beginning with bees building a hive to store nectar and ends when honey can be collected and used. First of all, the process starts when bees find a suitable place to construct a hive which is a safe shelter to live and collect nectar. Once hives are built, bees can go out to find a floral field to extract the nectar from flowers. Following this, bees turn back to their hive to accumulate nectars into the hives. At the honey production stage, firstly, the collected liquid must be cooled down. In order to do this bees flap their wings to create airflow so, the water in the nectar transforms into gas. As a result of this stage, honey is produced. Lastly honey undergoes to packed and used.
The diagram depicts the process of honey production by bees.

Overall
, the process consists of 7 stages of honey making. Beginning with bees building a hive to store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
and ends when honey can
be collected
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
when bees find a suitable place to construct a hive which is a safe shelter to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
. Once hives
are built
, bees can go out to find a floral field to extract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
from flowers. Following this, bees turn back to their hive to accumulate
Possible spelling mistake found.
nectars
into the hives. At the honey production stage,
firstly
, the collected liquid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be cooled
down. In order to do
Did you mean "these"?
this
bees flap their wings to create airflow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the water in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
transforms into gas.
As a result
of this stage, honey
is produced
.
Lastly
honey undergoes to packed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
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IELTS academic The diagram depicts the process of honey production by bees

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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