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The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans

The diagram illustrates how aluminium cans are recycled. First, the cans need to be taken to special collection centres instead of being thrown away with the normal refuse. The cans are collected from here and taken to a factory where they are first sorted and then cleaned. Next, the cans are shredded and crushed in a special machine. The metal is then heated to a high enough temperature to allow the aluminium to melt. It is then rolled out flat to a thickness of between 2. 5mm and 6 mm, depending on what it is going to be used for. The aluminium is now ready to be recycled into new packaging, such as drink containers. Finally, the new cans are delivered to a soft drinks factory where they are filled. The cans can now be sold to the public and reused. In the UK, 74 per cent of all aluminium cans that are sold are recycled.
The diagram illustrates how
Possible spelling mistake. ‘aluminium’ is British English.
aluminium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are recycled
.
First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
need to
be taken
to special collection
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
instead
of
being thrown
away with the normal refuse. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are collected
from here and taken to a factory where they are
first
sorted and then cleaned.
Next
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are shredded
and crushed in a special machine.

The metal is then heated to a high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
temperature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘aluminium’ is British English.
aluminium
to melt. It is then rolled out flat to a thickness of between 2.
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol: “5 mm”
5mm
and 6 mm, depending on what it is going to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for. The
Possible spelling mistake. ‘aluminium’ is British English.
aluminium
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
ready to
be recycled
into new packaging, such as drink containers.
Finally
, the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are delivered
to a soft
An apostrophe may be missing.
drinks
factory where they
are filled
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be sold
to the public and reused. In the UK, 74 per cent of all
Possible spelling mistake. ‘aluminium’ is British English.
aluminium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
that
are sold
are recycled
.

IELTS academic The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminium cans

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
156 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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