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The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale

The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale BJ5g9
The given diagram illustrates the procedures in which milk and dairy products are manufactured. As can be seen from the picture that there are six main stages in the entire production, beginning with cows grazing and ending with delivering to supermarkets and shops. The first stage is when cows graze grass on the farmland and they produce milk twice a day by a milking machine. Afterwards, raw milk is stored in a refrigeration machine before being preserved in a big milk tanker. Subsequently, stored milk is then transported to a Dairy by big trucks. At the stage of Dairy, there are types of products making from stored milk liquid: milk and dairy products including cheese, cream and butter. The next step begins when processed milk are pasteurized and then packaged into bottles. Finally, once all these steps have been completed, fresh milk and dairy products are distributed to retail shops and supermarkets, then ready to be sold to consumers.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram illustrates the procedures in which
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milk
and
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dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are manufactured
.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the picture that there are six main stages in the entire production, beginning with cows grazing and ending with delivering to supermarkets and shops.

The
first
stage is when cows graze grass on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
farmland and
they produce
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milk
twice a day by a milking machine. Afterwards, raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
milk
is stored
in a refrigeration machine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being preserved
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
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milk
tanker.
Subsequently
, stored
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milk
is then transported to a
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Dairy
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trucks. At the stage of
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Dairy
, there are types of
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products
making from stored
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milk
liquid:
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milk
and
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dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
including cheese, cream and butter. The
next
step
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
when processed
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milk
are pasteurized
and then packaged into bottles.
Finally
, once all these steps have
been completed
, fresh
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milk
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are distributed
to retail shops and supermarkets, then ready to
be sold
to consumers.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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