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The chart below shows the rates of smoking in Someland between 1960 and 2000.

The chart below shows the rates of smoking in Someland between 1960 and 2000. PVAGd
The line graph gives information about the index of female and male smokers in Someland. The data is given for four decades which starts from 1960. Overall, it can be seen that male smokers were higher than female once and its rate was great at the beginning of the period then it halved at the end. While the rate of women who tended to smoke doubled during the span. To begin, the rate of smoking among men was 600 in 1960, and then it went down gradually. For example, the number of men was 500 between 1975 and 1980. After that, the decline continued until and of the given period. Finally, the number of male smokers was approximately 250 in 200. In contrast, the figure of female smokers experienced a significant growth. Initially, its index was about 90. Subsequently, the rate reached roughly 300 in 1975. At this point, there was a slight decrease and it went on going down till the 2000 year and its rate was about 200 women smokers.
The line graph gives information about the index of female and male smokers in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
. The data is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for four decades which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from 1960.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that male smokers were higher than female once and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was great at the beginning of the period then it halved at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of women who tended to smoke doubled during the span.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of smoking among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was 600 in 1960, and then it went down
gradually
.
For example
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was 500 between 1975 and 1980. After that, the decline continued until and of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
Finally
, the number of male smokers was approximately 250 in 200.

In contrast
, the figure of female smokers experienced a significant growth.
Initially
, its index was about 90.
Subsequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
reached roughly 300 in 1975. At this point, there was a slight decrease and it went on going down till the 2000 year and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was about 200 women smokers.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the rates of smoking in Someland between 1960 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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