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The diagram below shows the number of landline telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period.

The diagram below shows the number of landline telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period. awANm
The given diagram illustrates the information about how many people owned landline telephones in nine different countries throughout the period (2000, 2002, 2004). In general, what stands out from the graph, in Singapore and Brunei Darussalam landline telephones were bought more than other countries, whereas numbers generally rose in countries which had fewer phone owners in 2000 and also both of Vietnam and Philippines almost demonstrated same result over the period in question. Looking at the details, as regards in Singapore landline phones were sold to 460 people per thousand in 2000 after that as can be seen from the graph the results declined steadily of 230 people per thousand between 2002 and 2004 while in Brunei Darussalam there were slight fluctuations and it ranked second highest level with ownership of phone. If we look at Cambodia and Vietnam, the trend was similar. In both of these countries the number of landline owners went up marginally. By contrast, In Philippines and Thailand people who owned telephone formed 80 people per thousand but then there were observed remarkable decrease in 2002 in Philippines and suddenly, in 2004 nobody owned landline phone in Thailand.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram illustrates the information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
landline telephones in nine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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countries
throughout the period (2000, 2002, 2004).

In general
, what stands out from the graph, in Singapore and Brunei
Possible spelling mistake found.
Darussalam
landline telephones were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
more than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, whereas numbers
generally
rose in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which had fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
owners in 2000 and
also
both of Vietnam and Philippines almost demonstrated same result over the period in question.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, as regards in Singapore landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were sold
to 460
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
per thousand in 2000 after that as can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph the results declined
steadily
of 230
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
per thousand between 2002 and 2004 while in Brunei
Possible spelling mistake found.
Darussalam
there were slight fluctuations and it ranked second highest level with ownership of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. If we look at Cambodia and Vietnam, the trend was similar. In both of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the number of landline owners went up
marginally
.

By contrast, In Philippines and Thailand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
telephone formed 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
per thousand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then there
were observed
remarkable decrease in 2002
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Philippines".
in Philippines
and
suddenly
, in 2004 nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in Thailand.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows the number of landline telephones per 1000 people in different countries over a five-year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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