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The diagram below shows the light penetration under the ocean

The diagram below shows the light penetration under the ocean KG0EN
The diagrmmatical representation depicts the information about the travel of sunlight under the different zone of ocean. It is vivid from the given diagram that ocean surface temperature is first done where temperature remains constant at 0°C. After, rays penetrate, it enter in second zone which 200 meter far and it is named as sunlight zone. Here, the condition of heat is 5 degrees celsius. The source of energy light, goes to the twilight zone in which temperature drop down by 1 degrees celsius. It is far away from land by 1000 meter from land. Furthermore, sunlight comes to semi-dark layer of ocean which is less dark that is 4000 meter away as compared to last region of ocean that is dark area which seem over 6000meter. Overall, last region of sea is quite far and consider the deeper zone but twilight layer is near to surface also we can see aquatic animals in this region.
The
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diagrmmatical
representation depicts the information about the travel of sunlight under the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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zone
of
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ocean
. It is vivid from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
surface temperature is
first
done where temperature remains constant at
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "0 °C"
0°C
. After, rays penetrate, it
Did you mean "enters"?
enter
in second
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zone
which 200
Possible agreement error. The noun 'meter' seems to be countable, so consider using: "meters".
meter
far and it
is named
as sunlight
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zone
. Here, the condition of heat is 5 degrees
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celsius
. The source of energy light, goes to the twilight
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zone
in which temperature
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "drop".
drop down
by 1 degrees
Possible spelling mistake found.
celsius
. It is far away from land by 1000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'meter' seems to be countable, so consider using: "meters".
meter
from land.
Furthermore
, sunlight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to semi-dark layer of
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ocean
which is less dark
that is
4000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'meter' seems to be countable, so consider using: "meters".
meter
away as compared to last region of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
that is
dark area which seem over
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6000meter
.
Overall
, last region of sea is quite far and consider the deeper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
zone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
twilight layer is near to surface
also
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
aquatic animals in this region.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows the light penetration under the ocean

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
156 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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