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the table shows the average salary in eight sectors and the change in those salaries on a year earlier

the table shows the average salary in eight sectors and the change in those salaries on a year earlier o68wD
The table details the average wage of employees in eight different majors and the fluctuation of those wages in a year. Overall, the average salary of those who work in banking and finance sector had the highest income, however, the payment for employee in this sector also saw the most dramatical fall in the year earlier. Transport was the lowest-paid occupation, nevertheless, the salary of this major went up strongest. Banking and finance, consultancy, and marketing and media were three sectors that cut the payment for workers last year. Among three sectors, the employees that worked in baking and finance were pay less 17% ($ 122, 000) comparing to the average wage of the year before. These figures for the marketing and media and consultancy were much lower, at 2. 5% and 0. 5%, respectively. In addition, the salary of those who worked for Telecom and IT companies saw no changes in the last year. The employees involved in retail, industrial, transport and other majors were paid better in the last year. The transport workers were pay average $94, 400 last year, and this figure climbed 8% comparing to the earlier year. Following to the transport, the industrial companies pay higher 5% for staff, at the average $101, 850. Finally, the wages in the retail and other sectors had slight growth and were the same at 3%.
The table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
the
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average
wage of
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employees
in eight
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different
majors and the fluctuation of those wages in a year.

Overall
, the
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average
salary of those who work in banking and finance
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sector
had the highest income,
however
, the payment for
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employee
in this
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sector
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
fall in the
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year
earlier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Transport
was the lowest-paid occupation,
nevertheless
, the salary of this major went up strongest.

Banking and finance, consultancy, and marketing and media were three
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sectors
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the payment for workers last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Among three
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sectors
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
that worked in baking and finance were pay less 17% (
The currency mark is usually written without any whitespace: "$122".
$ 122
, 000) comparing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
wage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. These figures for the marketing and media and consultancy were much lower, at 2. 5% and 0. 5%,
respectively
.
In addition
, the salary of those who worked for Telecom and IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the last year.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
involved in retail, industrial,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
and other majors
were paid
better in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
workers were pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
$94, 400 last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, and this figure climbed 8% comparing to the earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Following to the
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transport
, the industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
pay higher 5% for staff, at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
$101, 850.
Finally
, the wages in the retail and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
had slight growth and were the same at 3%.
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IELTS academic the table shows the average salary in eight sectors and the change in those salaries on a year earlier

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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