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the diagram below shows the changes that have taken place at west park.

the diagram below shows the changes that have taken place at west park. Qlo03
The presented diagrams illustrate the changes the West Park Secondary School has undergone since its establishment in 1950. Overall, it is evident that the school area was expanded and the areas for the playground and sports field contracted. As can be seen from the diagrams, the first time different modifications were made to the school ground was in 1980, when a new car park and science block were constructed where a group of residential houses used to be. The nearby farmland was also converted into a sports field. In 2010, the most significant alteration to the school territory was the enlargement of the parking spot, which then covered the entire old sports field. In addition, the size of the playground had been reduced to make room for a new sports field. To summarise, over the years West Park Secondary School has built and expanded some new facilities, such as the car park and science block, but at the same time, its playground and sports field have been reduced in size
The presented diagrams illustrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the West
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Park
Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
has undergone since its establishment in 1950.
Overall
, it is evident that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
area
was expanded
and the areas for the playground and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
field contracted.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the diagrams, the
first
time
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different
modifications
were made
to the
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school
ground was in 1980, when a new car
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park
and science block
were constructed
where a group of residential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. The nearby farmland was
also
converted into a
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sports
field.

In 2010, the most significant alteration to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
territory was the enlargement of the parking spot, which then covered the entire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
field.
In addition
, the size of the playground had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
room for a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
field.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, over the years West
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Park
Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
has built and expanded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new facilities, such as the car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
and science block,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, its playground and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
field have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in size
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IELTS academic the diagram below shows the changes that have taken place at west park.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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