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The Diagram below show Paradise Island in the past and the present

The Diagram below show Paradise Island in the past and the present 9w230
The maps illustrate about paradise island before and after the construction. To begin with, in the past the island was designed for the research area with some natural environment. Later, it has been completely transformed into the magnificent city. Coming to an old map, there were some trees scattered at the center and the west part of the island. The scientific research station had been situated western side and just below to the trees. Besides that, beach, natural spring and rocks were present the the northwest and northeast of the land. Land was surrounded by sea except the eastern part. In addition to this, pier was seen with some boating facilities to the west. Whereas, the land has been totally transformed into the beautiful city. While, the research station had been demolished and replaced by the hotel complex along with swimming pool. Some of the trees located in the center were chopped down as huge restaurant were built on the same area. BBQ area and café has been made just to the right of the restaurant. However, natural spring and rocks kept untouched. As scenic spot has developed near the rocks. As well as, the beach is currently allowed for the swimming. On top of that, there is bit extension on the pier and boat is replaced by cruise ship. Moreover, the most significant thing is that cycle path has been constructed within and around the city.
The maps illustrate about
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
paradise island
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after the construction.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the past the island
was designed
for the research area with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
natural environment. Later, it has been completely transformed into the magnificent city.

Coming to an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
map, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trees scattered at the center and the west part of the island. The scientific research station had
been situated
western side and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below to the trees.
Besides
that, beach, natural spring and rocks were present
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
northwest and northeast of the land. Land
was surrounded
by sea except the eastern part.
In addition
to this, pier was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
boating facilities to the west.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the land has been
totally
transformed into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
city. While, the research station had
been demolished
and replaced by the hotel complex along with swimming pool.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
trees located in the center
were chopped
down as huge restaurant
were built
on the same area. BBQ area and café has
been made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to the right of the restaurant.
However
, natural spring and rocks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
untouched.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
scenic spot has developed near the rocks.
As well
as, the beach is
currently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for the swimming.
On top of that
, there is
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
extension on the pier and boat
is replaced
by cruise ship.
Moreover
, the most significant thing is that cycle path has
been constructed
within and around the city.
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IELTS academic The Diagram below show Paradise Island in the past and the present

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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